


Brush Your Teeth

by SSpian0



Category: ENHYPEN (Band), I-LAND (Korea TV)
Genre: 0204’s Day Out, Aggressively Corny Flirting, COVID Compliant, Canon Compliant, Eavesdropping, Ensemble Cast, Fatal Babie Niki, Flirtatious Bullshit, Fluff and Crack, Friendship, Gay Panic, Jokes About Teeth, Killing Points, Kim Sunoo is the Sanest, Lee Heeseung Being Silly, Let Yang Jungwon Live, M/M, Park Jongseong | Jay & Park Sunghoon as Business Partners, Park Jongseong | Jay Being Expensive, Park Jongseong | Jay Prince of Corns, Screaming, Sleepy Boys, Someone Save Jake, Spa Day 2020, Sunghoon's Shampoo, Terrible Imaginations, The Importance of Good Dental Hygiene, The Knife is a Family Legacy, The Longest 30 Minutes Ever, They Have Neighbors and No One Cares, Violent Wordplay, random song references, ships sailing, spontaneous singing, the closet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28358004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SSpian0/pseuds/SSpian0
Summary: Park Sunghoon & Lee Heeseung brush their teeth. Literally. It takes 30 minutes.This one shot non-event happens between 2:30-3:00 am between the Chapter 13 and the 14 (epilogue) in the Spa Day Universe, but no one needs to read that to get this vibe.
Relationships: Kim Sunoo/Nishimura Riki | Ni-ki, Lee Heeseung & Park Jongseong | Jay & Park Sunghoon & Yang Jungwon, Lee Heeseung/Park Sunghoon, Lee Heeseung/Park Sunghoon & Shim Jaeyoon, Nishimura Riki | Ni-ki & Yang Jungwon, Park Jongseong | Jay & Park Sunghoon, Park Jongseong | Jay/Yang Jungwon
Comments: 36
Kudos: 43





	Brush Your Teeth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TooManyFandomsToBeSane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooManyFandomsToBeSane/gifts), [kylisungs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylisungs/gifts), [NIKISCUBE](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NIKISCUBE/gifts), [heeseungie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heeseungie/gifts), [jakey_jake](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jakey_jake/gifts), [iuwui](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iuwui/gifts), [consistently_inconsistent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/consistently_inconsistent/gifts).



> It stands alone as a one shot, however it is Spa Day 2020 canon and works on the same physics engine. <— That's me saying time is a flat circle, a statement that makes no sense. Don’t question the flow of time. Just let this happen. It feels right. Shhh... 🤫 
> 
> I thought of this when I saw Jay eat corn and then I went feral.

A little dazed and processing the everything they just walked away from, the parent hyungs finally make it to the bathroom to brush their teeth and ready for bed.

Sunghoon states the obvious. “You have nice teeth,” he says this waving his toothbrush as a pointer.

Heeseung wears the smallest smile, “I get that a lot, but thanks,” he suddenly is little embarrassed to smile too wide.

“Just facts, no big.” he says with a thumbs up.

“Like a lot a lot. Makes me a little self-conscious sometimes.” The older boy flashes his teeth, “I get they’re big and bright,” its a pleasant sight.

“They’re nice and white.” The younger boy sets down his toothbrush and reaches for floss, “Really straight too. Did you have braces?”

“Naw,” the shyness turns to pride, “This is all me. I take care of my teeth,” he reaches for a glass to fill with water, “I brush it, I floss, I keep the drinks that stain enamel to a minimum. I’ve been told they look like veneers but it’s my own real teeth,” he smiles again, nice and toothy.

“You talk about your teeth like I do with my hair,” unspooling a length of floss, he waves his head around like a shampoo model, “I use shampoo that’s good for my hair. The kind that prevents from damage,” he too feels a similar sense of pride about it, “I brush it, I cut it, I swim with it. It’s my own real hair”

Heeseung’s all smiles now, “I like your little fangs.”

“Oh?” Sunghoon stops at that comment in mid-roll of floss on a finger.

“It’s cute. Like tiny vampire teeth,” he’s always wanted to make it a point to appreciate those pretty pointy canines of his.

“Thanks,” he feels a little bit of a blush come on his pale cheeks, “They make me a little self-conscious sometimes. They’re so pointy it shows when I smile too wide.”

“I like that. It’s charming,” Hee raises his glass of water for gargling like he’s about to give a toast.

“Aw, thanks.” Hoonie lives for these wholesome compliments, “ _You’re_ charming,” he is so endeared.

Oh he’s so charmed. “Yeah but you’re like an actual Prince Charming,” with a waggle of an eyebrow the glass turns up and he starts gargling.

Floss resumes to be spun, “Too sweet,” but he’s smiling in tiny, “You’re gonna give me cavities,” he might’ve gotten too much floss or he’s dawdling.

A quick gargle and a spit, “You’re gonna give me diabetes,” Hee lives for those smiles in tiny, “and a heart attack!” oh but he LIVES for a struggling smile in tiny, “Good lord that bite earlier. Woof,” like an idiot, he pushes his luck. Maybe he gets to see that look he’s grown so fond of recently. 

Sunghoon blinks, a little caught off guard but he’s okay, “Good move right? Been workshopping that for a while,” he has practiced that bite a lot for work. Yeah work... and other things. Maybe?

“Oh yeah. Great move. That’s gonna kill on camera,” this is actual feedback. This is a relevant occupational discussion.

Relieved with the comment from his coworker he nods, “Thanks. I hope so. Glad to know it works,” he did wonder if he could execute that move well. It’s good to know his efforts have paid off.

“Oh it works,” applying toothpaste, to toothbrush he comments, “Very well,” he says with a reassuring nod.

“Ah! I’m excited to whip out that killing point now.”

Heeseung is so happy to instill this confidence, “Pull out that move and you’d wipe out half the global population easy—“

“Is it that good?” Sunghoon knows this is high praise from a known top tier performer.

“— and when the other half of the world wakes up because time zones, it’d decimate the planet,” These are just facts. Sunghoon’s face slays, although he might be a little biased because Sunghoon’s face always slays. Him, specifically.

“That’s a bit much,” he senses the older boy’s obvious tainted judgment, however, “but that means a lot coming from you,” the knowledge that Hee’s whipped for Hoonself is irrelevant because its not like the ace to bullshit about skill. Game just recognizes recognizes game. So he returns with his own constructive feedback, “You kill with so many of your moves, easy.”

“Oh?” It’s Heeseung’s turn to blink, thrown by the compliment volleyed, “You really think that?”

“Ugh! The talent you’ve got on that face,” actual jealousy seeps into that comment, “and you make it look so effortless. It’s just not fair.”

“Really? Do go on,” sometimes he needs some reassurance that he’s doing well. The boy’s ego is a little fragile that way.

“You’ve got killing moves on both end of the spectrum,” Sunghoon says this with incredulous enthusiasm, “like, for real you do.”

“Expound?” Genuinely, Heeseung would like to know specifics on what’s caught his teammates eye, “Please? Your opinion matters to me.” he asks this for the express purpose of personal improvement... and other reasons.

Like finding out what works on Park Sunghoon, specifically.

Too bad the younger boy can feel these ulterior motives in that gaze,“Ugh, okay,” he goes for it anyway, “Briefly, two examples: Given-Taken, the fatal lick. Let Me In, the smiling wink.” He enumerates with his fingers, his pointer then his thumb. Finger gun assembled, he shoots.

Like a prince, Park Sunghoon keeps it classy. This _is_ actually a conversation relevant to their career development... but those ulterior motives don’t feel unpleasant, so why not? It’s okay, let those motives linger. He can hold his own. He’s confident in that.

“A lick and a wink!” He’s genuinely flattered in a professional way. That’s high praise coming from someone of Sunghoon’s caliber who’s been praised by performance directors for this skill. It’s not like him to be impressed so easily. Good note. For work... and maybe other reasons.

“You’re an all-rounder, and it kills,” Sunghoon says this to reciprocate that feeling of confidence from earlier, “Like death from a knife and suffocation by hug.” He says the last line to ground this conversation in humor.

“Jesus that turn of phrase! So grim.” _So beautiful and yet so dark so quickly._

“Says the guy throwing out mass annihilation analogies.” That might’ve been too much, but Hee started it.

“Fair,” the older boy can have a bit of a double standard when it comes to the application of a metaphoric left turn.

“Then again they are called killing points,” and Park Sunghoon strikes again with the facts.

“That’s what I’ll call your little fangs from now on. Killing points. You’re cute little killing points,” and Lee Heeseung strikes again with the silliness.

Ah, that make him laugh, “I can’t with you sometimes. You’re corny.”

“Sweet corny,” He immediately regrets that pun. That was too dumb even for him, so he moves past that cringe with a tangential deflection, “but not as corny as Jay, our crowned Prince of Corns.”

The boy with the floss openly laughs. He boy with a toothbrush thinks he thinks he’s beautiful when he laughs.

“Ha! I hope he flosses regularly and often!” it’s ironic that at this moment, this boy with his strand of floss completely forgets about flossing himself, “Corn does do a number on your teeth.”

“Trust. He does. Jongseong carries travel floss everywhere. In a case.” the older boy is quick to defend his teammate, “He has to or else he’d have fuzzy teeth,” this defense is just truth.

He’s seen that floss. In a travel case. He’ll never forget that inappropriately expensive luxury leather case that Jay carries for the express purpose of holding literally one container of dental fucking floss.

“Ugh. That mental image. The fibers,” a yikes falls on the younger boy’s face.

“They’d be fuzzy if not for floss,” he sets down his toothbrush to put a closed fist on his mouth and scrunches his nose at a thought, “and probably feel like fur.”

“Like hair.” Sunghoon imagines something completely dreadful. “Oh. Oh no.”

Heeseung will regret asking, “What’s up?”

“I just had a terrible follow up mental image. It won’t go away.”

“Share this pain. I’m here for you baby doll,” the sentiment is real sweet, the oncoming regret will be just as real.

“Aren’t teeth like... the hair of your mouth?” Sometimes beautiful people can have garbage imaginations.

Heeseung almost gags. “Wow. That is profoundly disturbing. I worry about why your brain took you there but I am a lot more worried that this terrible thought actually makes sense to me.”

“You brush them both and they grow on hard body surfaces,” Sunghoon’s own imagination makes him physically cringe.

Heeseung gasps, “Oh my lord. Why does this keep making sense? Why won’t it stop making sense?” Think on this. It kinda does.

With a grimace Sunghoon realizes, “I think we have Spa Day brain damage.” They definitely do.

“The whiplash of this day. Just wow.”

“Wew. What a ride.”

“I would do it again in a heartbeat if Sunoo does another one. Next time I want in from the jump.”

“Same. I’m down to ride.”

The older boy hides a smirk from that comment, “Oh Hoonie. This day...” but then he thinks of hair for teeth. The smirk is now a wince.

“Never forget,” flashing before the younger boy’s eyes are memories traumatic.

“I won’t.” A pleasant memory saves the older boy, he smiles at the recollection. “Not after that miracle in the kitchen.”

“Which one?” Two pleasant memories save the younger boy as well.

A quick wash of bashfulness, “Aaaaah fair,” he can’t believe he’s briefly forgotten about TWICE. Heeseung’s ears starts to burn. Now is not the time for that memory. He turns to make eye contact, sincerely thankful for a specific incident, “Honesty both, but that first one. I hold that memory in my heart.”

“Aww. I mean, that was a bit bold but,” the pink blush deepens at the compliment, but he chooses to focus on a stronger, more personal feeling, “I am proud of that moment,” this pride is real. He can’t believe he pulled that off with a straight face. “I’m proud of me.”

“I hold that memory close,” a wistful sigh, then he tries to save himself from the brink of flustered with humor like he always does, “I’d sign its adoption papers and give it a home.”

That gets him a breathy laugh, “That’s funny.”

Oh, how he loves that laugh. “I’d give it a name and an education. Just a nice, solid education,” but he wants more than a laugh.

“That is funny, but stop.” The younger boy is slightly appalled by where his mind went.

Ah, he’s getting the reaction he really wants, “Stop at an education? It needs skills for the future! I can’t stop there! I must provide.”

More than a laugh, he wants a painfully frustrated Park Sunghoon.

With his eyes shut and his face burning, the younger boy laments, “Why are you and Niki so good at that?” He says this with this nose and mouth in his hands.

Behind those hands, just a cheesy grin he must restrain.

Heeseung plays coy, “At what?” he knows what, but he wants him to say it.

Sunghoon gets back on the defensive, “I told you not to test me,” oh why did he give that compliment about nice teeth.

“Oh but class is in session, Hoonie,” with an eyebrow raised and folded arms, the older boy leans a hip on the bathroom counter.

_Shit._

“Heeseungie, I’m gonna fail this class hard if you don’t stop,” looking down, he leans forward on the counter with both hands lat on the surface.

“You won’t fail but you’re getting a D at best,” woof! Careful buddy.

“Fuck.” Doing a deep blink he tries to clear his mind.

“... and the you’d way only get an F is if you tr—“

Eyes go wide and he does a death stare, “BRUSH YOUR TEETH,” he screams at the other set of eyes smiling at him through the reflection in the mirror. Direct eye contact is not possible at this moment.

“Oh I will,” he responds by picking up his loaded toothbrush, “I need clean teeth.” Yeah he does.

“I might need to wash my hair down to my brain,” he’s scratching his scalp like it could combust into lather, “I feel filthy.” Yeah he does.

“We can work with that,” Hee nods with a swagger.

“I’m gonna floss, no more talking.” Hoon holds out floss like lethal piano wire.

Heeseung leans further left, “Yeah get in between those teeth.” He’s not sorry.

_You son of a—_

Sunghoon snaps, “I’ll get in between your teeth if you don’t shut the fuck up and let me floss,” he gets in his face and says this through gritted teeth.

“Do it,” Heeseung meets that threat holding his toothbrush like a knife, inching closer to that face wondering how far to take this dare.

“Are you serious?” Eye contact is met with an incredulous glare and a tiny peek of worry manifesting in a slightly higher pitch tone.

Ah but it’s Hee so his nerve just slides right off, “Maybe?” That tiny peek of worry’s not fair, some other time then but he’ll keep the stare off going.

The staring match continues for a beat, they tear away at the same time. Just not ready for _this_. This truce is a relief for both.

“Ugh seriously, we’ve got to brush our teeth. We’ve been in here talking hair and teeth and god knows what for too long,” near-fatal floss winds back on Sunghoon’s fingers.

“Yeah you’re right. We need clean teeth.” Heeseung makes small talk with universal truth, “Everybody needs clean teeth for a better life.”

“Flossing is essential too,” actual life lessons.

“This is true. As is drinking water,” these points elevate everyone’s standard of living, “We’d all feel happier less parched.”

“This is entirely too true on a literal and metaphoric level.”

“Yeah I’m gonna shut up and spend quality time with my toothbrush. I have a lot of teeth. Not numerically but surface area-wise.”

“Facts. I floss first though,” This is nice. To be close enough to someone you start discussing mundane routines in life.

This leg of conversation is very much appreciated, “I floss after brushing, then do a quick gargle with mouthwash. Works for me,” it feels intimate.

“Good to know. Different strokes.” Sunghoon now feels like they’ve gotten closer on a different level with that bit personal TMI, “And it does work for you, I mean. Look at your teeth. They’re good teeth.”

“Aww thank you,” a warmth fills Heeseung’s heart. The acceptance of a preference with regard to a daily routine is huge in relationships, “From all my teeth to yours, thank you.”

“Haha, you make our teeth sound like family.” What a weird yet wholesome thought.

“Aren’t they?” Beyond this point of conversation their shared vision deviates.

The younger boy looks up, lost in his imagination for a little while, “Imagine a family reunion for our teeth,” he smiles sweetly.

“I’m imagining,” this boy with red hair visualizes something stereotypical for his age, “it’s pretty hot.”

Unfortunately for him, this boy’s got a completely different mental image, “Just a bunch of loose teeth gathered around a picnic table,” he’s an odd penguin sometimes.

“And now it’s not.” A gust of cold blows on this boy’s brain.

“With COVID masks, six feet away.”

“That got sad.”

“It’s real.” Sunghoon is a realist, always has been.

“So real,” Heeseung feels compassion for these fictional teeth.

“I imagine this picnic happening with a wire fence like braces.” Sunoo gets his imagination from his father.

“That’s creative. But now I’m disturbed by the mental image,” Jungwon has a reason for feeling protective of his sensitive father.

Sunghoon smiles and delivers this detail, “Little baby teeth playing with the canines.” He’s talking with his hands miming a child playing with a dog.

“My god.” Heeseung’s heart melts at this sight, “Solid dental humor.” This humorous side of his boy tickles his heart.

The younger boy continues, “while the incisors hang out from a distance smoking cigarettes, being edgy,” he continues to talk with his hands, miming a cigarette smoked.

The older boy is completely enamored by this, “The dumb shit you say sounds so brilliant sometimes,” he fawns like the boy he is, a boy in love.

Sunghoon sees the joy growing in his eyes, so he continues to mime an elderly person shaking with a cane, “Molars huddled together sharing their wisdom,” his eyebrows go up with a quick waggle, “…teeth,” he sticks his tongue out just barely.

_Marry me._

Heeseung sighs, “I love you more and more every day,”completely and utterly smitten.

The pursuit of clean teeth has become this moment’s talk about JayWon. This conversation is interrupted by three gentle knocks on the bathroom door, then it opens.

“Hi, it’s me. Jake.” Of course it is. In the Spa Day universe, its always him, “Just wanted to stop by and beg you both to please please please just make out. The tension is so thick in here it’s musty. It is thick like soup. Air it out. Please. Plus some of us are trying to sleep and I do not want to dream of teeth. Please and thank you,” oh this boy is practically the voice of the reader, “Jakethy out.”

“Oh hahah sorry Jakey. We’ll get there, we just have to brush our teeth.” Sunghoon’s eyes perk up at the sight of a new playmate.

“It’s been 15 solid minutes of this flirtatious bullshit,” sleepy boy Jake is wide eyed and has had enough shenanigans for the for the week, “I am upset with both of you for further confusing the an already confused me,” he slowly, steadily starts to unravel, “Don’t get me wrong. This is hot but in a concussive sort of way. I keep thinking about growing teeth out of my scalp and brushing hair in my mouth,” his eyes just keep getting wider with no eye contact, just a wideness directed at nothing, “You have both violated me, on an intellectual level. My imagination is broken and the things you two have done second hand to my senses should be criminalized. Please just take it out on each other, stop making the family suffer and brush your fucking teeth.”

Dude’s been trying to sleep. Everyone should feel bad for him. Poor poor Shim Jake.

“Okay okay, we get it. I will brush all my teeth, Look,” the toothbrush goes in Heeseung’s mouth, “I’m doing it, brushing my teeth,” he shoots a mischievous look over at the black haired boy.

Sunghoon totally got that look, “and I’m flossing,” he knows what’s up.

A new game.

“Yeah. Just like that.” Jake means nothing by this, he just wants them to brush their teeth well and end his suffering. “Get all those teeth. Keep them clean.”

With a toothbrush in his mouth Heeseung begins, “You like that Jakethy?” He brushes his teeth like he means it just a little too eagerly.

_Oh god. YOU JERKS!_

“Dont. Say that?” Jake’s dead stare gets even deader, “Like that?” He starts to shake.

Sunghoon with the assist flosses with intent, “This is for you Jakey!” he says while flossing. It sounds just like _you_ imagine it.

“NO!!” Jake throws his hood up, “Don’t do this to me!” He pleads with his hands over his ears.

“You asked for this buddy!” mathyung winks, still brushing vigorously, “We dedicate this moment to you!” Its never what he says, its how he says it. With a toothbrush in his mouth.

Jake has no more braincells to kill. Honesty leaks out in full. “This is just RUDE. This audio file will be an obscene memory I reach for in moments of weakness and I blame BOTH OF YOU for co-signing my lease on a penthouse suite in _HELL_.” This is a statement of fear for his eternal soul.

Sunghoon remarks, “This is cute. I love seeing you lose your shit Jakey,” he smiles in dental floss.

“I know!” Jake’s mind is lost, “Maybe I don’t mind that — WAIT NO! My brain!” He may never find it again.

“Eh I don’t mind it.” Heeseung’s shoulders go up in a quick shrug, “It’s fun watching you freak out when I see it but I wouldn’t go out of my way to try.” He’s still brushing. He brushes thoroughly. It’s why his teeth are so great, “but it’s kinda cute, not gonna lie.” It is cute. Very cute.

“DON’T ENABLE THIS ENERGY.” _Why are you my best friends?!_

“I want Hoonie to be happy,” he saunters over to the person flossing and bumps hips sideways, “I like seeing my Hoonie happy,” he rinses his mouth out and spits.

“Aww, darling,” finished with the floss he gives a sweet closed mouth smile and picks up his toothbrush, “Okay, toothbrush time. Here’s the floss,” he tosses the floss up in the air.

The floss is caught with one hand easy, “and here’s the toothpaste” Heeseung throws the tube of toothpaste smooth from behind his back.

Sunghoon catches the tube like its nothing with one hand. This moment registers for them as the first truly bro moment they’ve shared.

“Floss time for me, Hee”

“I should be gone,” Jake is muttering to himself, crouched on the floor by the bathroom doorway with his hands to his ears. “I should have left. I should have never knocked.”

“Yeah buddy, why are you still here? Just to suffer?”

“I’m calming down! Give me a minute,” the brunette rocks on his feet, hugging his knees, eyes focused on absolutely nothing, “I’m imagining a mouthful of hair growing out of gums and it’s working…”

Sunghoon gags, “Oh don’t do that to me Jakey! That hurts me! Not while I have this in my mouth!” he means the toothbrush.

“—and it stopped working.” Jake falls on the floor and stays down, “Please pretend I’m not here while I restore my sanity.”

“Like we always do?”

“You are CRUEL and you’re my best friend.”

“You like this. That’s why you keep coming back.”

“I need to learn to love myself more. This isn’t right,” his eyes remain wide and unblinking, trained at the ceiling, “I’m a sick boy. A sick, sick puppy.”

In the spirit of Spa Day, a fourth more animated voice adds to the excitement, “Hi. It’s me, Sunoo. Unlike Niki who was graciously gifted with a pair high fidelity, soundproof earbuds I, much to my displeasure, have functioning ears.” his voice remains bright and cheerful but true to form, his message grows darker with every word, “Jay is right. These walls are paper. Kindly disperse this energy before I get out the knife and inform the rest of the team we’re debuting as a four-piece. Get up from the floor Jake hyung, it is filthy down there.”

“I can’t. I’ve disassociated my mind from my body for safety measures." Jake is flat on his back. He can't feel his limbs intentionally. "I’m afraid I might have permanently severed the connection.”

“Then let me drag you. Away from this. And verbally, you degenerate.”

“Thank you Sunoo-ya. Save me.” Jake breaks sanity and starts to sing, “Save me. Save Me.”

Unable to resist a good impromptu duet Sunoo responds with the following line, “I need your love before I fall, fall.”

“Wow,” where there’s this fourth voice, this fifth appears inevitably, “Sunoo, you sound as lovely as you did back then.”

“Aww? Niki. My heart,” both hands come up to Sunoo’s chest. He turns around to see Niki by the doorway, looking a little shy.

“Sing more?” He says this with a softness, leaning his head on the doorframe. He is a boy bewitched by that voice, “For me?”

“Oh Niki, you have no right to be that sweet,” he melts like ice cream in the sun so he tries to save himself with humor, “We just brushed our teeth!”

This is where maknae decides to pull out the big guns. With a strategically subdued tone he completes the melody, “Don’t want to be lonely,” his hand moves from the doorframe and extend it with the next line, “Just want to be yours.”

_Damn, Niki’s good._

Sunoo’s hand flies up to his mouth, absolutely beside himself, besotted, “Ah, fuck it!” the hand goes to his fluffy cheek, feeling the heat of his face, “Yes, of course,” then he remembers his promise to himself to always be the better man, “Later. Help me take Jake hyung back.”

“Thank you both.” Jake closes his eyes finally and breathes out a heavy, ragged sigh, “Son, you chose well.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Take an arm, we’ll just pull him up the steps to his bunk.”

“What about his rash?” Niki will never forget that rash. Jake’s Rash. Never Forget.

“What about his rash.” Sunoo sasses, fists on hips with no shits to give, “Like I fucking care at this point.” Quickly he thinks about giving himself permission to be more selfish and walk away from his fallen team mate.

Niki knows this about Sunoo, so he helps, “I’ve got enough upper body strength to pull that off,” he flexes his arm to show intent, “I can drag him up those steps but might get a little loud”

“What?”

“The banging of a spine on wooden steps." Niki explains the logistics of hauling a body at dead weight up bunk bed steps, "At least 5 large sounds. One for each step.”

“Yikes.” Sunoo’s face is that word, “Yang-deo’s definitely going to hear that but I have no fucks left to give so LETCHUGO!”

Suddenly upright, Jake dusts off his elbows and shakes off some trauma. “And I’m up. You’re not fucking up my back anymore than you have, kid.”

“Good. I was about to rail at everyone if this kept going,” a sixth voice, the voice of reason chimes in.

“Ya! Wonie’s been up for almost 23 hours now,” and where the sixth’s is, so follows this seventh, “Have some respect?!”

Sunghoon who’s been done with brushing his teeth and watching the scene notices, “Jungwonie. Are you holding a knife?”

“Yes.” Yang Leader says this nonchalantly, “Jay-ah has a plastic tarp prepared.”

“and this wooden plank.” Jay, right behind Jungwon holds up the aforementioned plank.

“Wow! Grim!” Heeseung exclaims, also finally finished brushing his teeth.

Sunoo, Niki and Jake find themselves in a familiar huddle, clutched by a familiar feeling of terror.

Jungwon smiles so innocently and so clearly satisfied by the group reaction, “I couldn’t find the scissors, so I just grabbed the knife. We were gonna cut up the tarp to size and roll Jake onto it.” He enjoys this display of power, yes, but it’s not like him to keep that fear lingering longer than it should, “We don’t need so much tarp, and dragging is probably gonna tear under his weight. We save resources in this household.” He is a responsible leader.

“Yeah we cooked up a plan to help with the dragging.” Jay adds, topknot bobbing with a nod, “I thought we’d set up the plank to make a ramp out of the steps, just make the surface smoother to keep from bothering our neighbors with this shit.”

“Furthermore, the tarp was to make sure Jake’s skin doesn’t squeak on the laminate,” its important for Jungwon to underline how kind and considerate he actually is, “If you dragged with his hoodie his pants are eventually going to slide off and nothing cuts through walls like a high pitched squeak,” It is also important for him to maintain dominance with his show of superior intellect.

“This is why you’re the leader. You are so fucking smart, son.”

“And surprisingly compassionate?” Sunghoon gulps out of respect.

“I live for your bullshit. All of you.” He loves these guys so much, even if he is the leader now they forget sometimes that back in I-LAND Jungwon was the biggest shit-stirrer of them all, “Count me in next time, I know how to get away with crime,” he is still very much that same kid.

“Yeah this is true. Can vouch,” Niki has reasons for his affinity for Jungwon aside from being so close in age, “for the getting away with crimes part. This is why we’re close friends.”

“I finger heart you too Niki-ah,” two finger hearts send love in their maknae’s direction… while also holding a knife.

“I understand this relationship better and feel petty about my jealousy.” Now more than ever Sunoo’s perception of JunKi changes. He likes this for Niki, very much. “We should be closer Jungwonie,” he’s also charmed by his liberal usage of knife. Same vibes.

“Oh we should! We’d vibe hard.” Jungwon is delighted at the suggestion.

“Make it a double date, Jongseong and Niki would vibe hard too.” Heeseung makes a proposal, eager to see his friends make the most out of quality time, “Then when there’s a break in conversation, Sunoo and Jay can talk fancy lad stuff while Jungwon and Niki workshop... things?”

Jay gives Heeseung an incredulous look, his lids are half open and his mouth goes slack, obviously in reaction to an assumption he put together himself. “Is this just a set up to get you, Sunghoon-ah and Jake alone? The depravity.” His head tilts and he starts waving the plank to punctuate, “I look up to you. We look up to you! Feel the weight of that pressure— Wonie?”

“Jay-ah, stop.” Jungwon’s been tugging at the sleeve of his matching set of pajamas (black and navy to his white and beige) to get him to back down, “Please don’t scold him. He already does. He feels the pressure too much. Just let him live.”

“Oh wow. That’s true.” Jay feels bad about his burst of aggression to a thought projected, “Sorry Heeseungie hyung, I just got defensive. I don’t want you to stress out over this,” the last line was clearly intended for the person he turned his attention to, Jungwon.

“I can handle a lot, but thank you.” With a look of gratitude, Jungwon’s hand pats the arm he’s been tugging. “I always appreciate your care.”

“You guys are cute and I live. Niki, let’s go back be cute by ourselves.”

“Sing me to sleep?”

“I will, _Riki_.”

A gasp. A blush. “Oh, Sunoo.” Its Niki’s turn to put his hand to his heart. He closes his eyes and smiles to himself, then immediately literally sweeps Sunoo off his feet, carrying him like a prince.

Poor Sunoo had no time to react.

Already a distance away through the bedroom doorway, Niki yells, “Fuck you guys, I’m out! Peace!”

“Oh my god! Careful up the steps!”

“Upper body strength babe!”

“Oh. My. This is conceptually dangerous but it feels less so in practice.”

“Been working on getting shoulders like Wonie.”

“You’re getting there, keep at it, _Riki_. Eek!” you can hear the heart emoji in that 'eek.'

Yang Garden sends Niki and Sunoo off with a drowsy wave then turns his attention to his hyungs, “Okay well I’m gone, hyungs. Again.” Then he turns to Jay, “Jay-ah, come back to the closet with me when you’re done here. Make sure they close the door.” He turns is attention to clearly address Heeseung and Sunghoon, “Parents, make it count and stop talking about hair and teeth. I don’t want to dream of teeth. Again.”

“Do you ever...?” Shocked by the ‘Again’ Sunghoon asks with the intention of knowing what is happening in that adorable head of Jungwon’s, “... dream of teeth?”

At this, Heeseung surrenders to an urge he doesn’t resist and starts singing, “Do do do do you ever?”

Oh Jungwon loves this energy! He immediately sings like he means it, “Do do do do you ever?” by god does he mean it.

Jake perks up too, “OooOoo Ooh oh,” oh they sound beautiful.

Jay knows where this is going. He braces himself with commentary. “This will scar me for life.” He turns to Sunghoon who’s already trying not to laugh, “I’ve been memed as a watermelon sitting on every chair in pop culture. I didn’t think this song could get any worse for me."

“Easy now. You like that boy. He takes after his father.”

“Never let him use your shampoo. Never. Hide that bottle and never ever share it with Wonie.” The look on this blonde boy with a ridiculous topknot is one of pure offense, “You hurt me. You’re supposed to be my best _actual_ friend.”

“That’s true, but he’s still my son.” Sunghoon knows what this is about, he sucks his lower lip in to poorly fight a smile, “Must protect.”

“You piece of shit.” Jay starts shaking the plank at his face, “I’ll get you back and you’ll never see it coming. When you least expect it, when you’re alone with him, right when you think things are just _perfect_ , I will fuck up the way you see him because _something_ in that moment will remind you of ME.”

Sunghoon licks his lips, finding this outrage hilarious, “I don’t know if that works, but I don’t want to find out,” he says this unbothered, thick brows raised in amusement, “Let’s call it a truce, but so won’t say no if he ends up liking my shampoo. That bulk discount is insane and it might help me save money.”

“I will buy YOU that entire shampoo conglomerate and we will rebrand it as Sunghoon’s Fucking Shampoo.” Jay’s eyeballs start shaking, sincere in his plea to never smell any part of Sunghoon on Jungwon ever again, “I will build you an _empire_ if you please just promise me to NEVER EVER fuck up my relationship and my sensory memories. Again.”

“I can live with that, but call it _Vidal Sunghoon_. I’d shoot a few shampoo commercials and take a few magazine spreads. Go hands-off after a year, it'll be passive income, start a nest egg me and Heeseungie can retire with. Yeah. I wouldn’t mind that at all. I like where this is going,” he’s thought about this a few times. A lot of times.

Jay starts to calm down, this might not be a bad idea, “I can already see this turn a profit easy before the first accounting quarter. Like in the first week.” Mentally he drafts a business plan, “This might work out well as a side hustle. Really well. Like a lucrative side hustle. Not even joking.”

From the bedroom a familiar scream, “I want in on this!”Father, make me board of directors! I’VE GOT MAD MARKETING SKILLS AND A SOLID FOUNDATION OF ADVERTISING KNOWLEDGE.” Sunoo very much wants in on the ground floor of this enterprise.

Sunghoon hires Sunoo on the spot with a verbal agreement, “You got it!” He is SO on board with this, “Let’s end this in a handshake deal,” he actually extends his hand to shake.

“Yeah we could be business partners OR you could just be a good friend and not delight in my suffering?!”

“Come now, Jay-ah. You like this. You know you do.”

“Damnit. Why do you read me so well Hoon-ah.”

Meanwhile, Heeseung, Jungwon and Jake have gotten through the verse and begin singing and dancing a modified chorus:

Heeseung: “Of teeth of teeth of teeth  
of teeth of teeth of teeth yeah”

Jungwon: “Of teeth of teeth of teeth  
of teeth of teeth of teeth yeah”

Jake: “Do you ever dream of teeth?”

They are singing and they’re dancing and their smiles are all teeth.

Jay is so tired, “I’m noping out of this moment and I’m going to bed,” of everyone’s silly bullshit, “Wonie, don’t make me wait. Peace.” Jay out.

The boys of Chomper 5 have descended into a giggling fit, Sunghoon laughs along with them and they all exchange the weakest, trembliest, breathless high-fives.

“Aaaah.” Heeseung, in his toothiest smile, hand to his chest, drained of energy, wraps his arms around Jungwon and Sunghoon’s necks. He cocks his head over to Jake to join in because of course he does, “We all vibe pretty hard. This is why we’re family.”

“Yeah, that was fun. AND I feel wholesome.” Jake complies with an arm around Sunghoon’s waist and an arm around Jungwon’s shoulders, “Dreaming of teeth doesn’t seem so creepy now that it’s cute in my mind.”

“I can see us doing this for a toothpaste commercial.” Jungwon is so happy with that moment. This boy loves silly bullshit as much as his dad, “With teeth helmets! I dig it. I’ll pitch it to management tomorrow via email.”

“You’re so so good at spinning bullshit into gold Jungwonie,” This manboy is so proud of his son. It shows in his teeth.

Pleased to be praised and proud of that acknowledgment of his strengths he looks over at his primary dad, “I was made for this job. You know it.” 

“That confidence is me,” Sunghoon sees himself in his son.

Heeseung nods at this statement. “Oh definitely.”

“The affinity for bullshit is Heeseungie,” Sunghoon again states the obvious.

Heeseung also nods at this statement. “Obviously.”

Breaking out of the group hug, Heeseung overjoyed with this shit and glowing with admiration takes Jungwon by the shoulders and gives him a huge bear hug. “I’m so proud to be your father!” A papa bear hug.

Patting his mathyung’s back and resting his head on his shoulder with so much fondness he replies, “You can rest now dad, I’ve got this burden now.”

“I could cry.”

“I love you too dad.”

Jake is pleased yet again. “Well and at that most wholesome moment Imma yeet because knowing us, it only goes down from here.” He yawns in sleepy, “It’s time for this little Aussie boy to get cozy with his new Lejla.” And he says this pointing to himself with his thumb.

“Night Jake hyung,” sweet baby Jungwonie breaks out of his father-son moment to address the family puppy, “I'm glad you liked the present.”

“Night Jungwonie! Glad you’re not mad at me anymore. That look kinda scared me.” Jake is so relieved at this. He’s worried he’d be haunted by the moment of intimidation earlier when he heard Jungwon very clearly enunciate the _‘k’_ in his name.

Sweet fluffy haired angel boy Jungwon reaches out an arm to give Jake a pat on the shoulder, “Aw Jake hyung, I wasn’t mad,” but he uses the hand that’s been holding a knife.

Did you forget he’s had a knife this whole time? Jake almost gets scared but then he remembers the group hug earlier, and the two handed bear hug with Heeseung. He assumes Jungwon has superior knife skills. Thats how everyone got a hug and no one got hurt. Everything’s alright, he’s just paranoid, right?

Oh but at this point, he means for Jake to clearly notice this knife. With so much serenity and the sweetest most divine smile he says the following words with a mostly flat intonation, except for the parts he needs Jake to hear:

“…but I know _who_ you are and _where_ you live and _when_ you sleep. I also know what you _eat_. I know how much you're _worth_. Never forget.” Jungwon’s smile grows larger, still visibly innocent, still so terribly sweet, “You remember that every time **_he_** _sings_ ‘날 그곳에 허락해줘’ ( _nal geugos-e heolaghaejwo / Please allow me there_ ) to your face and _when_ you get to _touch_ him on that stage, that's the _only_ time you're allowed."

Yang Leader pauses to lick his lips, oh but he's still so very sweet in the face with this pure glow and a clarity to his words that chills to the bone, "Think of that fear. This fear. Then think of what I’d do if you gave me a reason to get mad. Got it? Ja _k_ e.”

Oh he’s just so adorable in that long, dead voiced delivery. You’d think he was ordering two scoops of ice cream if it weren’t for the words coming out of his mouth.

_There’s that ‘k’ again. Just a little too clearly pronounced. Oh Jesus did he do that with teeth?!?_

“Affirmative!? I will conduct myself with the utmost professionalism around Jay-ah and I am so out of here,” wide-eyed and scared shitless, Jake bolts to his bunk, “Yeet!”

Sunghoon with an enormous smile looks at Jungwon like he just took his first steps, “Damn. You know, you’re a boss.” He is LIVING for the balls on this precious boy.

“And you know he’s a player.” Jungwon rolls his head to ease his aggression.

“You’re amazing.” Heeseung is floored, basement floored by the balls on his baby boy, “When I grow up, I want to be just like you.”

“You’ll get there. I believe in you,” he reaches out to squeeze his favorite hyung’s hand with his not knife hand and with a dozy sense of satisfaction announces, “I’m going back in the closet with Jay-ah.” With a tiny smile and the desire to stir up shit for no other reason than his own leisure he continues. “To sleep with him.” You know he would’ve tried to wink if he could or do the finger thing with his eye, but he has a knife and is getting so sleepy that he’s a little unsure which hand has the knife and will not take that gamble.

Sunghoon wants to burst out laughing, he’s trembling. He’s living for this slow taunting of Jungwonie and would like to taunt back, but his boy has a knife and Sunghoon is also sleepy. He will not take this gamble today so he says something logical, “He might be sleeping now.”

Jungwon tries to say this with a straight face but his eye starts to twitch, “He’s not,” he’s losing a battle against lucidity but wants so hard to commit to this bit although his his facade clearly is crumbling, “He waits,” trembling to keep his grin from growing any larger, eyebrows dancing, failing to hold a steady gaze. “He has to.” Jungwon has to force a pout and suck in his lip to keep from breaking face but he sputters a snort and holds still, eyes shaking.

It takes a beat, but it feels like forever. Heeseung, Sunghoon and Jungwon standing in the hallway shaking in with repressed mirth, twitching, blinking really hard, like really ridiculously hard trying to hold a year’s worth of laughter in.

Of course, like father, like father, like son, everybody breaks into an obscene amount of laughter. Jungwon drops the knife, now kind of afraid of hurting himself and his best hyungs in in this violent expression of absolute hilarity. Everybody fist bumps, Jungwon gets so many hearty back pats and head rubs. Oh everything is good. Everything is better than okay, its fucking great. That laugh was legend.

Sighing in relief, so content this game ending in a draw, body buzzing with so much serotonin, Jungwon thumbs his chin like the boss he is, picks the knife back up (to return to the kitchen) and with a compassionate smile closes the door to the bathroom with Heeseung and Sunghoon behind it.

From the other side of the door he says with clarity like he means it, “Don’t be too loud,” he says it that way because of course he does mean it.

They’re left in stunned silence again but with a smile on their faces. The day keeps getting better and it’s been over for hours. With clean teeth, fresh breath and the loving support of their favorite son, this group’s de facto parental unit yields to the inevitable. With them it always takes a while, but it gets there and when it does it happens right. That’s just who they are. Two idiots in love and their peers, this family —all extremely talented, painfully attractive, hilariously chaotic, big-hearted, wickedly brilliant sweethearts— doing what feels right, doing mischief just right, leaning so far left that eventually it comes around they end up in the right.

* * *

**|** E N D **|** [next](https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/72132072) ⇥

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> random references:  
> \- Sunghoon's quote about hair is from an old as-seen-on-tv commercial for the Bosley Hair Treatment. (I wash it, I cut it, I swim with it. Its my own real hair.)  
> \- Sunghoon's shampoo name is a spoof of a brand called Vidal Sassoon
> 
> This work is a gift to my MVP commenters from Spa Day 2020. Thank you guys so much for being so nice to me, a fetus crackfic author and indulging me with my bullshit. You don't know the monster you've empowered, and yet here we are.
> 
> In velvet Australian I'd like to say I love you.
> 
> Also for real, I am taking a break yeesh! See you in 2021! Wash your hands, brush your teeth & drink more water! 
> 
> SSpian0 out! Peace.
> 
> _____________
> 
> 02142021 EDIT: I published a sequel??? The foreshadowed/inevitable HeeHoon make-out session is a clickable link to the right of END (next ⇥)


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